they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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