i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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