How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
