i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
