the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
MIDGETS
????
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
