I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
