Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
zippers are such a cool invention
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
