Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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