did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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