haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
