So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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