Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
