She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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