I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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