Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
