Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
