for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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