So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
