My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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