Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
