im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
