dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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