ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
high people should be assigned attendants
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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