Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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