I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
