omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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