Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
