Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
