apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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