the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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