i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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