My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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