Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
