Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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