can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
