Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
