You're completely useless in the revolution.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
