I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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