Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
