Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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