Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
that may or may not have been my penis.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
