How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
