just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
