He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
