i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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