Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
