Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
