i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
