Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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