I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
