dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
