just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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