just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
